My life lately has been a dichotomy. One half is WONDERFUL! Completely satisfied! Happy as a clam! The other half is depressed, downtrodden, and
desperate.
When I graduated college, I landed a sweet gig, working in
my mom’s office, doing something I was fully capable of. Excellent.
Then I decided I wanted a partner in life, a man to share my life
with. So online I went, and presto! Not 3 months later I had found an amazing
guy! So I started pouring more and more
time into our relationship, and no longer was as invested in my job because I suddenly
had a life. I moved slightly closer to
my man, and things were looking good.
Jump forward two years, and I had HAD it. First off I lived over a half hour away from
my love. Can you imagine? (I’m being sarcastic now, but it sure felt
like the world was ending then!) Plus I just
couldn’t take my job anymore. It was
mind-numbing. Soul-crushing. I hadn’t intended to be at that job forever,
and my time was up. My company and I decided
together that I was ready to move on, and they gave me 2 months to figure out
my next move. I thought “hey, I can get
a new job, one closer to my boyfriend!” but neglected to line up a new job
prior to quitting. On the VERY LAST DAY
of my employment, I got an offer for a job.
A part time, boring, low level job.
I took it!
With the new job meant I needed to find a new place to
live. Although we had discussed never,
ever moving in together before engagement, suddenly I had a job that was 15
minutes from his place, and over an hour from my parents’ (I gave up my
expensive apartment in the midst of job quitting. When changing one thing, I like to change
everything). So I was going to spend work
nights at his place, and other nights at my parents’. But then, as tends to happen, I decided I
liked being around him more. So I just
kind of stayed. And stayed. And soon enough, I was living there too. Which was fine.
My new job turned out to be a nice change... for
awhile. I loved working part time, but
hated the pay. I got the chance to move
to full time, and did, but it meant taking on more small tasks. It too became mind-numbing and soul-crushing. I realized I still had no idea what I wanted
to be when I grew up, just that I wanted to be with my boyfriend.
After college I managed to get a couple okay jobs (yes, I
realize I am super lucky to have had solid employment since graduation, but it
doesn’t mean they are good jobs), while focusing most of my time on my
relationship and love. I forgot to get a
career of any sort.
I wish there was a happy ending to this, but I’m still in
the thick of it. On the wonderful side,
my man proposed to me almost exactly a year after I snuck/moved in to his place! On the depressing side, I still don’t like my
job and I still don’t know where to go with my career. One half of my life is pretty much smooth
sailing and all figured out! The other
half is floundering around helplessly, making grand plans that soon get
smooshed by practicality and indecision.
I am so grateful for my relationship, but find myself hoping we can get
married and have kids already so I’ll have a good excuse to stop working my
dead-end job! But life doesn’t work that
way, I’ve found.
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