If I didn't have a job...

My job is kind of terrible.  I'm bored 90% of the time, am paid about 1/3 of what I should be making, and just generally don't feel like it's what I should be doing.  But I'm still here for a couple reasons: I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, I've interviewed for and not gotten a couple jobs, and up until recently, it was actually quite nice to be able to work on wedding stuff while at work.  And I think my ideal "job" would be housewife.  I spend all day at work imagining what I would do if I didn't have to be here...

1. Plan and cook amazing meals every day
2. Work out every day
3. Clean the house
4. Sell leftover wedding things and unnecessary furniture online
5. Craft
6. Paint the front room
7. Organize the wedding leftovers
8. Go to the library
9. Go to the zoo
10. Start blogging more regularly
11. Begin the process to be able to bake and sell my delicious cookies
12. Learn to sew
13. Garden / fix up our yard
14. Laundry
15. Sleep in!

I do know that in reality I probably would be much lazier and get barely anything done, but if I don't have the chance to try then how will we ever know?!  I just feel so rushed and overwhelmed pretty much all of the time, and it doesn't seem like it should be that way.  It would be nice to be able to take life at my own pace, where I could maybe feel caught up and on top of things for once.  

I'm still not sure I really want to have kids (I keep wavering back and forth, so it's a good thing we have a while to decide!), but if we do I can guarantee that I'll be staying home with them.  And that is the #1 reason I want to have kids (at this very moment, but it changes every minute!).

Is being a housewife really as wonderful as I've imagined it?  Is it lonely or boring at all?  I could see that...  I can also bet I'd be annoying and clingy to my husband when he's home!  

Post-Wedding Emotions

The day after the wedding was kind of a haze.  We woke up and had brunch with my out of town family.  We went home and unloaded all kinds of boxes of stuff.  And the mound of presents was huge!  We opened the gifts, but didn't keep a list and planned to just come back to it later (stupid!).  Then we packed up for the honeymoon and were dropped off at the airport.

At the airport, we finally had time to breathe and chill.  Our flight wasn't until midnight, so we had awhile to hang out.  At that point, I started actually thinking about how we were married, and how my name is different now.  It was weird.  And I was sleep deprived and probably a little overwhelmed by all the love from the previous day, so it wasn't the best time to process everything.

It's such a crazy huge thing, though.  My name that I've identified myself with for 27 years is now history.  I have a new name, one that doesn't feel nearly as comfortable, nearly as "ME" as my old one.  It's something to grow into.

I think I was a little bit in a daze here too!  Photo by Jenny GG

Now it's been over a month since the wedding, and it feels almost as if it was a dream.  Or like that day was the dress rehearsal.  It feels like there should have been some huge momentous shift, something that physically changed, or like it should have been more of an ordeal.  Instead it was pretty easy, and once we got home from the honeymoon, aside from new titles (I have barely referred to "my husband" but each time it weirds me out!), it feels like before the wedding.  We're still the same people, we're still committed the same amount (truly, we were already in this for the long haul), and we just happened to have thrown a crazy awesome party.

I am grateful for such an awesome day, and so glad it went well, but...  it feels like it was so long ago!  Looking at the photos again certainly helps.  Remembering the feelings too.  But when I look back, sometimes it doesn't seem real or doesn't seem as significant as it should be.  I don't know if it ever will!  Maybe when we have some pictures up on our walls, or I get to introduce my "husband" more.  Maybe it still hasn't sunk in really.  Who knows!

Is this normal?  Or do most people feel a huge change once the wedding is over and the marriage has started?

Vendors, aka Grow a Spine

The #1 hardest thing for me in the whole planning process was dealing with vendors.  I don't like talking to people I don't know, I am bad about asking for things, and hate being a bother.  With vendors, you absolutely have to talk to them, ask for things, and contact them constantly.  There's no real good way to get around that!

I didn't clarify things enough with the caterer until it was fairly late, I didn't tell the DJ I wanted him to stick to the timeline no matter what, and I didn't ask our photographer where the photos were until over a week (maybe 2?) after she had finished editing them (we had seen them all online, but want the actual copies without watermarks!).  I also had an issue with my dress, it wasn't getting fixed like I wanted until I started crying a couple days before the wedding in the dress shop.  These are all pretty much my own fault.  And I wish I had been better about making sure we were all on the same page and telling everyone what I expected (ideally in a calm, cool, and collected manner, not after letting it all build up and come out with tears...).  But I am also pretty lucky in that I didn't have anything really majorly go wrong in the end, in fact it went really well.

So basically I think planning a wedding with vendors is 60% communication, 30% trust, and 10% luck.

I feel like I still have a long ways to go with standing up for myself with people, but planning the wedding definitely helped me work on it a bit.

See - I totally have a spine somewhere in there!  Photo by Jenny GG

I keep thinking if I could do it all over again, I would be so much more assertive, but it honestly did go really well.  Or I would have hired a planner/DOC who would have been assertive for me.  That might have been a better plan...!

What's in a Name?

I'm in name limbo!  I have a new social security card, a paper drivers license, and a new credit card.  A new debit card is on it's way, as well as some other cards.  So some things have one name, and some have another at this point.  But honestly?  This name changing thing has been so much simpler than I imagined!

Here are my steps to changing your name:

1. Think it is going to be really hard and take forever.  This sets you up to be pleased when it isn't that difficult and takes less time.
2. Change your facebook name.  Bonus points for doing this on your wedding day.
3. Send in a request for certified marriage certificate copies.  Anticipate it will take a couple days, it will take about a week.  Only get 1, maybe 2 copies.  3 is not necessary, everyone gives it back.
4. Practice your new signature while you wait.  It is super weird.
5. Go to the social security office with your marriage certificate and already completed form.  Wait about 15 minutes, get up to the window, have their computer barely work so it takes another 15 minutes to enter your info from the form, verify it is correct, and go on your merry way.  The card arrives in like a week.
6. Don't wait to go to the Department of Licensing!  They don't need to see your new social security card!  Just take the $10, your marriage certificate, and your old ID, and go at a weird time, not at lunch, and not the first day in the week they are open.  That will cut down on the wait.
7. Search your credit card website frantically to see how to change your name.  Get confused, and send an email.  It is way way easier and less involved than you think.  They take care of it and send a new card lickity split.
8. Search your bank's website for info about how to change your name.  Give up and call.  Find out it is easiest and quickest to take your marriage certificate into a branch.  Do so, and it is about 15 minutes of your time.  
9. Create a new email address with your new name (if you do that sort of thing) and start migrating subscriptions and things over.  Get annoyed that gmail can't just migrate everything, like your calendar and music.  Find an easy way to copy the calendar over and celebrate.  
10. Compile an extensive list of everything linked to your old name.  Create a google doc, and keep adding as you remember things.  Rewards cards, insurance, social media, etc. etc.  It's amazing how many things you keep thinking of!
11. Work your way down the list as you go.  This needn't be an immediate thing, but knocking out a bunch at once is nice.  Make sure to cross them off so you remember you actually did change them already!
12. Get used to seeing your new name everywhere, and remind yourself that it won't be that weird in a year.  Or two.  Or maybe longer.  We'll see.

There you have it!  An easy, 12 step process!  Okay, so maybe it's more time consuming than I realized, but it's something I'll only be doing once, and it kind of helps remind me that I have a new name now.  I'm also not doing very well at phasing out the old email address...  But that takes time!