Something about the mirror makes me think I look significantly better than any photo ever portrays me. It's really weird. I get dressed, do my makeup, and think "Yes! I look nice today!" Then I'll see a photo of me from that same day, and wonder how I let myself look so terrible. It drives me crazy, and I'm not sure how to fix it.
Anyway, this relates to weddings, I swear. Yesterday we had our engagement photos done! It was so much fun. I picked out a dress I had that I hadn't worn, but thought it was flattering and cute. I also had put together a cute sweater and jeans outfit, that I really liked. Dino spent ages picking out his outfits as well. Taking the photos was a little awkward, but still fun! It was weird being such the center of attention, and I felt incredibly unprepared somehow. But when we finished up I thought "Yes! These pictures will be awesome!" I was feeling good and loving life. And our amazing, uber-talented photographer would take these photos and make them blog-worthy and the most beautiful pictures of us that we've ever seen!
Then she posted a preview photo last night.
The engagement preview photo. Photo by the incredibly talented and fun Jenny GG
The photo looks awesome - except for me. My dress is rumpled, my eyes are squinty, and my face is so round and chubby. Even my hair, which felt so soft and fluffy, looks greasy and gross. When did that happen?!?! Dino looks fantastic, as boys do, the colors in the photo are AMAZING and really pop, and the composition is incredibly nice. It would be amazing if I didn't look so weird!
Most people would see that photo and just see me, I know. It's hard to see myself from the outside world's perspective. I think on a day to day basis I have a really positive self-image. But maybe it is too positive? I mean, I'm not super happy with my weight or skin or whatever, but I have learned to accept I am who I am and 99% of the time feel comfortable and happy in my skin. I'm now a little worried all of the engagement photos will make me cringe, and that the wedding photos will turn out similarly. That on what should be the happiest day of my life, I'll worry about how I look all day. And that looking back on that day I'll always judge myself harshly and not be able to see past the chubby face and squinty eyes. I really want to love and treasure our photos!
I think as I see more photos of myself it will help me realize what I really look like and maybe get used to it, but for some reason it seems shocking that the image I have in my head is not what I really look like. I want to say I absolutely love our photographer and the gorgeous photos she takes, though. Most people probably feel weird about seeing themselves in photos, but I am really glad we chose a photographer who makes us feel comfortable and can create such stunning images. I think I'll maybe never do a boudoir shoot, though - too much opportunity for hating how I look!
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